We thought our growing the family portion was coming to a close.
my man knows his limits and thinks clearly and carefully about the reality of that dream. His thinking, praying and more thinking things through is a good balance to my excited and often not thought out ambitions.
Just a confirmation to him one summer day last year.
just one more little one, I continued to find myself in a pile of tears.
and allowed God to make the necessary edits.
Waved the flag.
Moved forward and found peace in his seeking wisdom.
for God to come through in our obedience,
we were oh so quickly humbled.
We ate up 10 weeks of pregnancy excitement.
Just in time for a Christmas surprise,
came the heartache of a failed pregnancy.
As I grieved the loss of not only a baby bundle, I also was grieving the loss of hope for another.And so the process began to heal and make peace when I had none.
It was messy and I needed clarity.
The weeks slipped away as they normally do.
Life kept moving on and friends did the work of encouraging.
The foggy picture of our family came back into view just in time for God to open my eyes.
He spoke to me.
“Jenny. You need to continue to see this as a miracle. You are forgetting that your husband said YES. Isn’t that the real beauty in this story? Maybe you need to see his obedience to step completely out in faith as the true miracle, not the baby in your arms.”
I agreed after some arguing.
The reminders continue to come weekly to my email.
“Your baby is 3 months old”
Several friends had the same due date,
and I can treasure the miracles that fill their arms
because I know God was being faithful even in our loss.
He journeyed closely with us and for that we are thankful.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
Sometimes we can’t see how He is working all things out for His glory and not our own.
Even when we try and make sense of it…we cant fully comprehend how the valleys and mountain tops have the ability mold our hearts to be more like his…until we are on the other side.