There are however some days when I feel the weight of that purpose and honestly just want to be done!
Like throw in the towel kind of done. Like go blow up a credit card kind of done. Like take a month-long vacation (alone) kind of done.
All of the things a happily married, stay at home Momma to 5 – Pastors Wife doesn’t usually talk about and isn’t suppose to feel was my reality this week!
Its like this:
Marriage is wonderful and beautiful and refining and messy.
Children add unbelievable joy and love yet require diligence and discipline.
Ministry is a gift allowing me to have a front row seat to seeing God at work and I love it! It also allows for disappointment and hurt to rise to the surface often.
This week I had a day where my heart became maxed out. Please tell me you’ve been there too.
Sometimes don’t you just feel done?
After crying a river and then suffering from a pounding headache, I didn’t feel any less done but at least I was in process of feeling less overwhelmed.
We stopped to pray and in that prayer of asking for direction and hope and fresh eyes to see God around me, I could take a deep breath.
A walk around the neighborhood taking in that bright blue fall sky with the trees turning colors woke me up to something fresh.
Coming back around the corner to my driveway I felt the spirit speaking to me about release.
Sometimes the amount of responsiblity combined with trying to control the day just adds up and begins to weigh heavily. Mix in a little fear and you have a recipe for DONE.
My husband reminded me, “When we fail and fall short, the Holy Spirit fills in what we leave out.”
Be it leaving out kindness that should have been on display or words that should have been withheld… we don’t always get it right. None of us actually.
This is where the Holy Spirit, our help fills in during the absence of our knowing what to do.
He makes up the difference.
Maybe we became all too frustrated with one of our kids… we forgot that the big picture is the goal rather than teaching them how to listen to our lectures.
I’m positive that one of you have started a diet and quit over the weekend! Trying to set and keep goals can drive one crazy!
What about when you have had enough of feeling like you don’t and wont ever measure up to that calling?
You’ve been pouring and giving and serving and loving and honestly you feel like some days… it’s not making a difference today.
Saying yes to too much and not allowing space to enjoy those closest to you can break your spirit. Sadly, it usually breaks the hearts of those who need you most – the hardest.
God gives us these moments so we can step away, step aside, or even step out.
Jesus gives us many “outs” in scripture. He encourages us to step closer to Him and learn to find rest.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, For I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” – Matthew 11:28
It’s okay to feel done. It’s important to process why and find rest for the soul.
I know that the God of the mountain top days is also the God of the deep valley days.
If we place our trust in Him and really, really believe He goes before us – then we can let go and watch how He fills in what we leave out.
If your days this week are coming along perfectly with no bumps in the road… celebrate goodness!
If the days have you slumped over and weary because it’s all exhausting… take heart!
He delights in our needing Him. Feeling discouraged positions us to receive all we need to move forward and regain momentum in our journey to drawing closer to Jesus.